


Show me the light

by Phantomangelgoddess



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Depression, F/M, Self-Sacrifice, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-28
Updated: 2016-03-28
Packaged: 2018-05-29 19:05:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,615
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6389464
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Phantomangelgoddess/pseuds/Phantomangelgoddess
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The reader goes through bouts of depression and just wants it to be over. Can a certain blue eyed angel show her there is still something worth living for?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Show me the light

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys so this is just something I came up with thats kinda personal, so I just wanted to write it and I hope yall enjoy it.

You sigh as you roll over in your bed. You glance over to the clock seeing it’s around midday. You know you should get up and help the boys research but you just can’t. You had been feeling this way for the past few days, each day getting worse. You rub your eyes until you have spots dancing around in your vision. You want to scream or cry or punch something, but all you do is curl up and let the tears flow. 

You’re not sure why you’re crying, you know your life is a mess being a hunter and all, but there wasn’t anything that had triggered this. A knock at your door has you rubbing you face hoping to erase the evidence of your crying. 

“C-come in,” your voice cracks, you mentally kick yourself as you take a deep breath trying to steady your voice. The door opens and Dean sticks his head in.

“Hey, Y/n, whoa what’s wrong,” Deans eyes instantly flicker with concern taking in your red puffy eyes. He steps fully into the room, closing the door behind him. 

You sigh clasping your hands in front of you. You shake your head a little, “Dean, I-I don’t know,” you look up at him with watery eyes.

Dean walks over to your bed, he sits down next to you, “look you know I’m not good with words, but you know Sam, Cas and me are here for you right, if you ever need anything, we will always be here for you,” Dean smiles a little as he gives your shoulder a squeeze. 

You nod your head, knowing Dean is trying to help but you know deep down nothing can really help. Dean makes his way out of your room as you fall back onto your pillow.

***  
Several hours later, you still couldn’t shake the empty, despairing feeling you had. You slowly roll out of bed as you hear Deans voice call down the hallway. 

“Y/n, we finally got a lead on that witch, it’s time to head out.”

You slowly get up and make your way over to the mirror noting the dark circles and bloodshot eyes. You sigh and shake your head as you get dressed, trying to make yourself look somewhat presentable. Once you’re satisfied with your appearance you head out to the library.

“Are you okay Y/n,” Sam asks worry creasing his forehead. 

You nod, “I’m peachy, so where is this witch anyway,” you ask grabbing your hunting bag off the table.  
“Apparently she’s set up shop in a town not far from here, so we can gank her and still be back in time for some Dr. Sexy,” Dean chuckles as he grabs his bag and heads to the Impala.  
“You sure you’re okay, Y/n,” Sam asks again the worry still prominent in his face.  
You plaster a fake smile on and try your best to look convincing, “yeah Sam, really I’m good.  
Sam nods and the two of you make your way out to the Impala.  
***  
“Alright, Sam you take the upstairs, Y/n, and me will take the downstairs,” Dean orders as you make your way guns drawn into the house.

You manage to clear the living room, you’re about to head into the kitchen when you hear Dean yell from an office room down the hall. You slide around the corner into the room just as the witch starts to chant. You raise your gun, but before you can fire off a shot another witch hits you from behind knocking the gun across the room. You spin around and the witch hits you across the face, stunning you for a moment. The witch smirks thinking she has the upper hand, once she steps closer you pull out your hidden knife and shove it through her heart. The first witch screams and grabs your gun, pointing it at Dean.

You glance over at Dean as the witch clicks off the safety, you don’t even hesitate as you fling yourself in front of the unconscious hunter. You hear the sound of the gun firing. You gasp as you feel the bullet rip through your chest. 

Sam sprints into the room, immediately unloading 3 shots into the witch. You groan and Sam rushes over to your side. 

“Whoa, whoa, Y/n, hey you’re okay, you’re gonna be okay,” Sam says shrugging off his jacket, and pressing it to your wound. 

Dean finally comes around, “what the hell happened,” he groans clutching his head.

“The witch shot Y/n, we need to get her to a hospital or call Cas,” Sam explains frantically. 

Dean immediately goes into action calling Cas, while Sam rushes out to get the first aid kit. 

“Y/n, you stay with me you hear,” Dean whispers cradling your head in his lap. You cough tasting the metallic tang of blood in your mouth. 

You gaze up into Dean’s forest green eyes, “its’s okay Dean; I don’t mind dying; maybe it will be a relief,” you whisper.

Dean shakes his head, “no, Y/n, you don’t mean that, you have everything to live for, hell you haven’t even told Cas about your crush on him yet,” Dean chokes out his eyes filling with unshed tears. You feel a slight smile tug at your face before you cough violently again. “Cas, dammit get your ass here now, Y/n is dying,” Dean yells looking up at the ceiling. 

The pain intensifies as your vision becomes blurry around the edges. You hear your blood roaring in your ears as you struggle to breathe.

“Dean, I came as quickly as I could,” Castiel’s deep voice rumbles from the middle of the room.

You glance over at him feeling your heart speed up just at the sight of him. You know it’s stupid having a crush on an angel but you had a major one, and now you may never get to tell him; but then again he would never feel that way for you and at least this way the empty feeling that always plagued you would finally go away, you think to yourself. 

Castiel notices what has happened and is by your side in a second. He reaches out and touches your forehead with two fingers. You feel his grace pour through you, finding the injury and healing it. Once the wound is healed he pulls away, you fully open your eyes and notice he is giving you a peculiar look.  
You bite your lip and look away as Dean helps you stand up.

“Y/n, do you really feel that you have nothing to live for,” Dean asks glaring at you, “is that why you jumped in front of me.”

You open your mouth, but then close it when you realize you have nothing to say because that was exactly what had happened. Dean starts to go on a rant when Castiel stops him.

“Dean, let me talk to Y/n,” he says coming to stand next to you. Dean looks from you to Castiel before nodding and leaving to find Sam.

“Cas, I-,” you start but quickly stop when you see the rage and hurt in his eyes.  
“Not here,” he growls as he places a hand on your shoulder and you feel the world around you shift.

***  
You look around at the beautiful forest he has brought you to. 

“Why,” Castiel asks coming to stand in front of you. You gaze up at him noticing the rage has died down but it was replaced with hurt and sadness.

You swallow, “Cas, I just- I feel so empty inside, okay, and sometimes I just don’t want to go on and I don’t know how to make it stop,” your voice rising with every word. 

“This feeling, is it triggered by anything,” Castiel asks looking genuinely concerned about you. Maybe he could have feelings for you, you think to yourself.

“Sometimes, but then again sometimes I’ll just wake up and it’s there like a weight on my chest refusing to go away,” you explain feeling weary of the conversation. 

You run a hand through your hair as Castiel nods, “what seems to make it easier to bear,” he asks.

You shrug, “sometimes it goes away on its own, sometimes it’s a person or talking about it; and sometimes it just doesn’t go away,” you sigh.  
Castiel moves closer to you and you gaze up into his crystal clear blue eyes. You feel your heart speed up and you bite your bottom lip noticing Castiel’s gaze flicker down and then back up to your eyes. Castiel slowly leans down giving you plenty of time to move. His lips brush softly against yours, and suddenly the empty feeling inside you eases. You grab a hold of his trench coat and deepen the kiss.

When Castiel pulls away, you smile, “thank you,” you whisper. Castiel tilts his head slightly in confusion.

You laugh a little, “thank you for showing me that I do still have something to live for,” you reply. 

Castiel takes your hand and gazes into your eyes, “I am going to keep showing you that you will always have something to live for, and when the bad days come again I will always be there to help you through them, Y/n, I will always be here for you. You are going to get through this, I promise you that,” Castiel whispers as tears fill your eyes. You nod as he wipes away the tears from your cheeks, you smile up at him as you finally realize you can get through this and you will always have your angel by your side.


End file.
